When Silence Falls
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I'm rather sad and pissed off right now. My sister is losing her pregnancy. Again.
I know, it happens, it's natural and it happens more often than people are aware. Miscarriages are more common than people think. That doesn't make it suck any less.
Part of me is disappointed because she wanted another child so bad she put off her cancer treatments last year and now this is 2 lost pregnancies in about 6 months. My nephew Thomas was pretty hopeful for a sibling, especially a little sister.
I admit I internally questioned her decision to not treat her cancer this year, but I also understood her reasoning...the treatments weren't making any progress the year before and her doctor approved this course of action. She's 38, which is not too old to have children, but it is (I've heard) nearing the range of ages where complications are more frequent.
I'm not saying she asked for this. No way. But she gathered her info and prayed her prayers and made her choice...and it hasn't worked out. I'm angry and disappointed and frustrated FOR her...because this just sucks.
We trust in God, we accept His plans for us and we pray for His strength and guidance. Part of me wants to be mad at Him, but I can't. Just as I love my sister, I love my Lord. What He did for me, for us, trumps anything we could experience. And I think I'm pissed off because I'm not more pissed off. I think because I resist getting mad at God, like I did when I lost my mother, the frustration of wanting to curse or blame or whatever...knowing that's not the right thing and wanting to do it anyway. Babble. Whatever.
'Conveniently,' I found out just now, right before leaving work...so now I'm off to my regular Bible Study, where I was going anyway...I expect that'll help. If you pray, please pray for my sister, Kim. Please pray that she will have the strength to endure these trials and losses. Please pray she will be shown His intentions as to whether she should try again, and for Darin and Thomas that they will endure as well. And please pray that her cancer will soon be conquered. If you feel like praying for me, spend that time in prayer for her. Please. And may God bless you.
A Tim Hughes song called "When The Tears Fall" (from the album When Silence Falls)...click on the play button below to hear it:
When Silence Falls
I've had questions without answers.
I've known sorrow, I have known pain.
But there's one thing that I cling to:
You are faithful, Jesus, You're True.
When hope is lost I'll call You Saviour.
When pain surrounds I'll call You Healer.
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart.
In the lone hour of my sorrow,
Through the darkest night of my soul,
You surround me, and sustain me:
My Defender, for evermore.
When hope is lost I'll call You Saviour.
When pain surrounds I'll call You Healer.
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart.
And I will praise You.
I will praise You.
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You.
I will praise You.
Jesus, praise You.
Through the suffering
Still I will sing....
When hope is lost I'll call You Saviour.
When pain surrounds I'll call You Healer.
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart.
I will praise You.
I will praise You.
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You.
I will praise You.
Jesus, praise You.
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You.
Always I'll sing to You.
Jesus, I'll sing for You.
When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord are you there?
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend.
Still I will praise You.
Jesus, praise You.
