Each Year At This Time

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Today is my mother’s birthday. Today, she would have been 63. But she chose to end her life at 33. It’s rather hard to believe that in another 5 months, I’ll be remarking on the 30th anniversary of her death. For now, I sit and write about her birthday, with nothing much to celebrate except that fact that I myself am glad to be alive. For that, I give all credit to God.

Each year at this time, I wonder what my life would have been like if she hadn’t chosen to die. I wonder who she was and what she was like. I wonder who I would be.

Each year at this time, I take a moment to refer those willing to bother to a 29 page piece I wrote called Sadness Breeds. You can click that link and read it here or read the .PDF file. Having just reread it before I posted this, I even found a few typos, which I’ve fixed. So if you’re one of those few friends who have previously downloaded this onto your computers, take a moment to get a corrected copy.

If you’d like, you can read the blog I wrote last year when this time was approaching (which reprints the blog I wrote the year before that, so it’s a two-for-one deal) when God used what I wrote in a cool way.

And each year at this time, especially each year since Jesus saved me, I think about my sister, my father, my cousin Deneen, my uncle Ken and aunt Teri, and those who knew her better than I did...who, on this day, might think back with even more impactful memories than I do. For them, I can only pray for God’s peace. And I can thank Him with great praise that He has given that peace to me. Even on days like today and each year at this time, when for small moments here and there, it doesn’t feel like it.