Because 7:8-9

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Get it? Because Seven Ate Nine? (sigh) That's the punchline to a joke for kids. I love kid jokes, because they are silly and innocent. So why does this stupid punchline looks like a scripture reference? Ah-ha! Because you're about to read a bunch of kids answers to a Catholic school test.

I thought this was pretty funny. If you're even remotely familiar with the Bible, you might get a kick out of this. It has been circulating the internet and emails, and is supposedly the real answers from a group of kids from a Catholic school test, and are statements about the Bible. (I'm a cynic about such things, so it's possible it's not real but it's funny nonetheless.) Nothing has been changed about the spelling or wording, and some of the misspellings are great. (Homonyms rule!) Enjoy!

- - -

1. in the first book of the bible, guinessis. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.

2. adam and eve were created from an apple tree. noah's wife was joan of ark. noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. the jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah.

6. samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

7. moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients

8, the egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.

9. the first commandments was when eve told adam to eat the apple.

10. the seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. moses died before he ever reached canada. then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.

12. the greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. david was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. he fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. solomon, one of dav sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. when mary learned she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.

16. when the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.

17. jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. st. john the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. he also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. it was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. the people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. the epistels were the wives of the apostles.

23. one of the oppossums was st. matthew who was also a taximan.

24. st. paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

25. christians have only one spouse. this is called monotony.

- - -

Gimme a few days (or so) and I'll be back with some of my favorite more 'grown up' (but clean) Christian jokes.